I was a 55 year old spirit filled Christian woman, actively serving in my local church. I was married to a Godly man, whose unselfish love had covered and sustained me through my countless bouts with deep depression.
We had lost a son at 7 years old due to a heart condition, which caused unbearable pain for me. We had two sons and a daughter, all married to godly spouses with two of them serving in ministry in their home churches. They were my great joy. (1 John 4)
For the most part, I functioned in a normal everyday capacity, hiding my misery from everyone, even my family. The pain inside could only be conquered by one thing, according to the enemy, who was my constant companion. If I wanted real peace and rest, I was the one person who could make it happen, by killing myself.
The first time I remember really trying to accomplish this was in the 5th grade. Then over the years, I had used pills, razor blades and a gas oven, but each time God in His mercy, prevented me from taking my life.
The thought of a Christian being demonized was unthinkable to me. It just couldn’t happen. Then after reading a pamphlet Jess wrote, “Heading for the Hills”, I began to understand it could be true. A recent attempt at suicide had left me despondent and I asked Jess to pray for me for deliverance from the spirit of suicide.
That became a very intense bout of spiritual warfare for Jess. He never gave up, even when the spirit of suicide fought so hard against leaving; I just wanted to give in. It turned out to be not just one but several big demons. After Jess got the big ones out, the rest left without much of a fight.
Had it not been for Jess’s deliverance ministry, my life would have gone on without victory until one of my attempts had been successful. It felt like God reached down inside me and removed what was there, and then replaced it with brand new thoughts and feelings. He restored my joy and gave me a new life which did not include any thoughts of self- destruction.
I shall always be thankful for the first passage of scripture He put in my heart after my deliverance from depression and suicide; Lamentations3:22-23. I had been a smoker for 40 years, totally addicted to nicotine, unable to quit despite repeated attempts. I was delivered from even the desire to smoke again.
It has been 11 years sense I was set free of suicide and depression and addiction to nicotine and my life is has been one of peace, victory and complete freedom in Christ.